Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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