you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
