I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
