so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
