Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize