You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
