My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
