I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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