did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
