Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
