Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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