While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
