im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
