I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
