I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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