Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.

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(315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave. http://tfl.nu/cgpg

Replies (46) Good night (763) Bad night (9533)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu

(781): View more from Massachusetts

So you're taking me there this weekend?

(508): View more from Massachusetts

oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.

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(508): Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu (781): So you're taking me there this weekend? (508): oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food. http://tfl.nu/y6ju

Replies (35) Good night (7480) Bad night (981)
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(646): View more from New York

miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.

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(646): miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/4rhl

Replies (374) Good night (3280) Bad night (8659)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

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(402): she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics (1-402): you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys. http://tfl.nu/veft

Replies (18) Good night (8561) Bad night (1196)
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(631): View more from New York

You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.

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(631): You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it. http://tfl.nu/dj6o

Replies (19) Good night (2199) Bad night (6575)
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(415): View more from California

so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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(415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l

Replies (19) Good night (3478) Bad night (975)
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(936): View more from Texas

To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.

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(936): To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex. http://tfl.nu/0t9p

Replies (24) Good night (5088) Bad night (853)
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(212): View more from New York

Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??

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(212): Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night?? http://tfl.nu/hu0z

Replies (2) Good night (1373) Bad night (751)
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(775): View more from Nevada

The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"

(1-775): View more from Nevada

At least you got your shooes

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(775): The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time" (1-775): At least you got your shooes http://tfl.nu/51m2

Replies (6) Good night (1789) Bad night (574)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.

(919): View more from North Carolina

...yet.

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(919): Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem. (919): ...yet. http://tfl.nu/0q1s

Replies (1) Good night (1330) Bad night (400)
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(301): View more from Maryland

He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.

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(301): He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession. http://tfl.nu/9fz9

Replies (3) Good night (656) Bad night (240)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break

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(704): Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break http://tfl.nu/3onf

Replies (1) Good night (236) Bad night (618)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.

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(973): Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year. http://tfl.nu/l5j5

Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (265)
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(712): View more from Iowa

There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?

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(712): There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life? http://tfl.nu/al5z

Replies (6) Good night (251) Bad night (707)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.

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(501): Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point. http://tfl.nu/0fss

Replies (5) Good night (414) Bad night (207)

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