their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
