Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea