Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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