Where is the hickey?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize