; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
