i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
