you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
