Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
