i just had sex bonerless
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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