Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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