Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
