We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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