Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
