Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
