I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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