I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
