Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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