stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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