hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
