There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just want nice things and good sex
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
