Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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