moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
