he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
