I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i need some magic done to my vagina
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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