When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
