If i come over, it means nothing
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
