Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
