so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
