dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
