My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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