Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I touched a dick in church today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
