she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize