return my video game
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
