I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
