I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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