Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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