the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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