today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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