i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Are we still banned from the library?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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