Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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