I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
