i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
