You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the liver wants what the liver wants
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
