I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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