Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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