Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
