I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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