her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
