If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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