i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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