is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
