I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
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Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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