who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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