i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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