i permit you to call me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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