Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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