the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
